


Love's Sorrow

by the1man1eating1cat



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: fluff?, for a story about luhan and guan there sure isnt much of guan, i dont actually know what's up with that, is this what counts as fluff?, lay wants to fight sehun, liebeslied, some sort of weird au where luhan lives in the 'lower world', sorry for that, violin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-04-04 05:02:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14012751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the1man1eating1cat/pseuds/the1man1eating1cat
Summary: Luhan lives in the 'lower world', where he plays his violin for money. He shares a dirty, crowded apartment with eleven others. Guan Xiao Tong lives in the 'upper world', where she is a famous actor. A filming in the lower world brings her to Luhan.





	Love's Sorrow

**Author's Note:**

> im playing liebeslied right now in my private lessons, and my teacher was telling me how to, like, embody the song and stuff and she told me i could even think up a story for it and my lufan ass immediately jumped to a story about luhan living in some underground world where he plays liebeslied on the violin and so this happened.

Luhan hated the violin. 

He started playing when he was six, after finding an abandoned violin near the stairs to the upper world. He’d loved it back then, but the love began to fade. Eventually it became nothing more than a poor way to get money, but the only way he knew. He was a loveless man, who had friends he would always thank the world for, but had never had more than that. Never a family, never a lover, never even a chance. 

And then there was Guan Xiao Tong. She loved the violin; she loved  _ music _ . She was an actress from the upper world, a girl who had it all. She was loved in every sense and she loved back, with a warm family and kind friends and a history of boyfriends. Then a movie being filmed in the lower world took her from the sky -- took her to Luhan. 

He was playing Liebeslied. He had ten dollars. He couldn’t find it in him to continue playing. No one had been around for a while, regardless. 

“Shame,” a gentle voice said. 

Luhan turned around. Guan smiled at him. 

“Liebeslied, right?” She asked. She stepped closer, brushing her hand against the face of his violin. “The only sorrow here is how unloved this instrument is.” 

Luhan looked down at his instrument. It didn’t look unloved to him, just dirty. The natural mud and dust of the lower world and his rosin had mixed together to make a strange coating over parts of the strings. 

“Can I?” Guan asked, gesturing for the violin. Luhan nodded numbly and handed it over. Guan took her sleeve -- silk and white and probably not supposed to be used like this -- to wipe away the dirty surface. It stained her shirt horribly, but she didn’t even glance at it once. She took the bow, placed it on the string, and played. 

What came out was not the same song Luhan had been playing. It couldn't have been. Even if the notes and rhythms were the same, the difference was striking. She played with soul, and it was everywhere, and Luhan suddenly understood what she’d meant by ‘shame’. This song could be given so much more by someone better. It flowed out of her naturally. She moved with the music, played forte when she wanted and piano when she wanted, and it was clear as day that she loved it. 

The final harmonic rang in the air even as she lowered her instrument. 

“Beautiful.” Luhan whispered; he hadn’t even meant to say it. 

Guan smiled at him, handing the instrument back. 

“It would do better in your hands,” Luhan muttered as he accepted it. 

“Don’t say that,” Guan told him. “I have my own, anyway. This one is  _ yours _ .” 

The way she said yours made Luhan feel like that was incredibly, stunningly important, but he didn’t know why. He just stared at her, lost in her smile and the waves of her dark hair and the sincerity of her voice and the brightness of her eyes and the passion of her playing. 

“I hope you won’t stop playing,” Guan said. She put a hundred in Luhan’s case and walked away like it was nothing. Maybe to her it was; to him, it was his world. 

 

Did he want to impress her? Luhan wasn’t sure, but his fingers had started to bleed yesterday and he was still picking his instrument up again today, bandaids over the fingers and a warning from Xiumin not to play too much for a while at the back of his head. 

“Sorry, Xiumin,” Luhan muttered, and pushed the warning away. 

His fingers played the notes he was used to, but it wasn’t with the same tedious routine as before. He couldn’t say he loved the violin yet, so he wasn’t sure why he wouldn’t stop playing. It was like he needed to do this. Most of all, he wanted to know who he was playing for. Her? The girl he didn’t even know the name of? Himself? 

An arm draped around his shoulder and he stopped. 

“Practicing hard, bambi,”  Sehun mused. 

“I guess,” Luhan replied, turning to look at Sehun. “How was your audition?” 

Sehun grinned. “Got a callback.” 

Luhan smiled. “Maybe you’ll get this one. It’d be nice to have a success in this house for once.” 

Sehun dropped himself to the coach; it complained quietly, but held. He studied Luhan and the violin in his hands. “I think you’d have gotten a success by now if you cared.” 

Luhan studied his violin as if it could hold together the fabric of the universe. “When it comes to this,” he murmured, “what counts as a success?” 

Sehun threw an eraser at him. “Money, of course. Get crackin’, buddy.” 

Luhan glared at him. 

“Or just being happy,” a softer voice offered, and Luhan glanced over his shoulder to shoot Lay a smile. 

“You’re back early.” Luhan noted. Lay nodded, joining Sehun on the couch. It whined louder. 

“Rick’s decided to close up shop.” Lay said. 

“Yeah?” Luhan asked. “Where will you go?” 

Lay pursed his lips, leaning against Sehun and drawing his knees up to his chest. His eyes poured over the cracks in their dirty white walls. “I might start my own.” Lay answered. “Maybe I’ll even get enough to buy Rick’s.” 

“Really?” Sehun asked, shifting so they were both more comfortable. “Bit risky, isn’t it?” 

Lay smiled lightly. “I think it’s been too long since we’ve taken risks.” 

Sehun’s brow furrowed. “What’s gotten into you?” He glanced at Luhan. “Both of you, actually.” 

Lay shrugged as best as he could in his position. “I was just… sitting there at the register, listening to Rick thank us all and tell us the decision he made, saying he and his wife wanted to do what they loved with what time they had left, I thought… What are we doing with what we have right now? We’re twelve handsome, skilled men, and we’ve got no money. We’re not unhappy, but… are we  _ happy _ ?” 

“You’re not opening up a sex shop, are you?” Sehun asked carefully, a twinkle in his eyes, and Lay hit him lightly. 

“Fuck off, Senshine.” Lay muttered. 

“Well, now you’ve pissed him off.” Luhan scolded Sehun fondly. 

“I’m just saying,” Lay continued. “We can do better than this. Fuck money. I’m gonna do what I want.” 

“Well,” Sehun sighed, “I always thought I’d have to be the breadwinner of this home.” 

Lay hit him again, harder. Sehun whined, making a face at him. 

“What shop will you open up?” Luhan asked. 

“Maybe a flower shop.” Lay replied thoughtfully. 

“Ooh, our unicorn spending his time around flowers?” Sehun asked. “Maybe I’ll visit.” 

Lay rolled his eyes. 

 

“The thing you’re missing here is emotion. You have everything else, you just don’t put your heart into it. Think about something you love, and something you’ve lost. That’s what this song’s about. At some points you’ll be angry, hating the world for taking the thing you loved from you. And at other points you’re just sorrowful; you dearly want what you lost back, but you know it will never return.” 

Luhan nodded. 

He had no idea what was happening. 

One moment, he’d been playing, the next, Guan was back. She introduced herself this time -- finally -- and he introduced himself too, and then, out of nowhere, she asked him if he wanted help. 

“Luhan?” Guan asked. 

“I’m listening.” Luhan told her, and she nodded. 

“Is there anything, or anyone, you’ve ever lost before? Something that really sticks with you?” Guan asked. 

Luhan thought about it, then shook his head. 

“Okay,” Guan said. “What about something you love?” 

When it came to love, there was just one thing for Luhan. The day before was what came to mind: Sehun’s teasing words and Lay’s honest responses and the way they all smiled. That was love, for him. That home, old and dirty but precious to all of them. 

“Yeah,” Luhan said. 

“Imagine if you lost that.” Guan said. “It would hurt, right? Put that hurt into this song.” 

Luhan nodded. He picked up the violin again, and played. Guan smiled. 

“Better already.” 

 

“Hey, Luhan.” Baekhyun leaned over the kitchen counter with a smirk on his face, and Luhan already didn’t trust whatever words might come out of his mouth. “Chen says,” Baekhyun drawled, “that he saw you with a  _ girl _ .” 

There was a proud look on Baekhyun’s face as if he finally understood physics or something. 

“Yes,” Luhan replied calmly, slathering peanut butter onto bread that might’ve been a bit old. 

“ _ So _ ?” Baekhyun asked, holding the ‘o’ out. “Who is she? And,” he leaned in closer, and Luhan was a little worried about the way his ribs were pressing into the counter to lean forward like that, “who is she to  _ you _ ?” 

“Her name is Guan Xiao Tong,” Luhan replied smoothly. “She’s an actress from the upper world. She’s filming a movie down here. She plays the violin, and she’s been helping me out. 

“Well, I just think,” Baekhyun said, and Luhan was tempted to snark at him that he doesn’t, “that it’s strange you wouldn’t tell us about her. Almost like…” his voice dropped to a whisper. “You’re keeping a secret.” 

“I’ve told everyone except you, Chen, and Kris.” Luhan told him. 

“What?” Baekhyun asked loudly, scandalized. “Why?”

“Kris because I never see him,” Luhan said, “Chen because he still refuses to clean the dishes,” he continued, “and you just cause.” 

Baekhyun pouted. 

Luhan finally made eye contact, and he stared at Baekhyun for a solid twenty seconds. 

“Kidding.” 

Baekhyun sighed and collapsed onto the counter table. 

“I’ve only known her for a few days,” Luhan said. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t get a chance.” 

“Well,” Baekhyun said decidedly, “I suppose I’ll forgive you.” 

Luhan flicked peanut butter at him. Baekhyun wiped it off, then frowned down at it. 

“How old is this peanut butter?” He asked. 

“Probably too old,” Luhan said, and took a bite of his sandwich. 

“Luhan!” 

 

“Who do you play for?” 

Luhan looked up from heaven -- a burger. And it was fresh. And hot. 

He and the others’ microwave broke two years ago. 

“Hmm?” Luhan asked. 

“Who do you play for?” Guan repeated, pouring some tea into a cup and passing it to Luhan. It had been over a month since the two of them had met, and Guan’s visits had become a normal thing. Now, apparently, they were even picnicking together. 

Luhan hummed again, this time in thought. “I’m not… sure.” He said. 

“You should figure that out.” Guan said. “There’s nothing more helpful than to know that. A reason is everything. Humans need reasons to do most things. And other people are pretty influential reasons. Do you know who you played for at first?” 

Luhan cocked his head in thought. “Myself, I guess.” He answered. “Cause I just loved it.” 

“And lately?” Guan asked. 

Luhan took a sip of his tea. “Money, I guess. So… still me.”  

She smiled lightly. “What about now?” 

“Now…” Luhan murmured. “I guess now I play to  _ find out  _ who I’m playing for.” 

“Well,” Guan said, “that’s good, too.” 

 

“Hey,” Suho greeted when Luhan arrived. He, Kai, and Kris were all seated around the dinner table. “How did it go?” 

“Didn’t have much of an audience, as always.” Luhan replied, setting his case down on the floor. “But Guan left something again.” 

“Guan?” Kris asked. 

“Yeah,” Luhan confirmed, giving him a questioning look. “Is that a problem?” 

“No,” Kris said, “just surprised she’s still down here. You must be closer friends than I assumed, for her to be visiting. Most upper world people look down on the lower world.” 

“What do you mean ‘visiting’?” Luhan asked. 

Kris raised his eyebrows. “You didn’t know? Her movie finished filming a couple days ago. She’s got no reason to be down here anymore.” 

“Except for you,” Suho added with a smile. 

“I didn’t know that.” Luhan said quietly. He took a seat with them, next to Kai, who handed him a bowl of peanuts. “I sort of just assumed I’d stop seeing her after the movie ended.” 

Kai shrugged. “I guess she disagreed.” 

Suho smiled. “Which means you’ve got a shot.” 

“Shot?” 

Suho flicked a peanut at him. “Don’t play dumb, Lu. You like her, right?” 

There was a knowing smile on his face, but it faded a little at the way Luhan’s face morphed into a shocked expression. 

“Don’t tell me you didn’t realize.” Suho said. 

“I mean, I…” Luhan fumbled with his words, then shrugged helplessly. 

Kai patted his shoulder.

“It’s taken long enough, honestly.” Kris said. “This could be good for you.” 

“This  _ is  _ good for you.” Suho corrected. “Your music’s gotten better.” 

“It has?” Luhan asked. 

“A lot better.” Suho answered. “You’ve always been good, but now you’re… soulful. Like you’ve got something you care about, for once.” 

Luhan stared at his bowl of peanuts distantly. “Yeah,” he said quietly, “I guess I do.” 

 

“I know who I play for,” Luhan said. Guan looked up questioningly. “Well, I mean,” Luhan said, “I think at all times of their life, a musician is playing for themself. But it’s not  _ just  _ me anymore.” Luhan said. 

“Who else?” Guan asked. Her voice was soft. 

Luhan shifted, staring at the violin case near them instead of at Guan. 

“You.”  

And it was like all the dirt of this world, all the filth and the garbage and the darkness, had been wiped away. There was only the smile on this girl’s face -- on the face of the girl he loved. Only the shine of her eyes, and the way it brushed across his skin like a gentle touch. This was the everything, the thing he wanted to reach when he’d began to  _ truly  _ play. And all of it was thanks to her. 

“Sorry it… took me so long to realize.” Luhan apologized, and she shook her head. “That I play for you; that I… love you.” 

Now that the words were floating out in the air, he felt like he was, too. Drifting away from the earth, and there was only one person who could keep him from fading away. 

“When my film ended…” Guan said slowly, and Luhan looked up at her, but this time she was the one staring at the violin case, “I decided to take a break from acting.” 

“Why?” Luhan asked quietly. 

“Because there was something more important to me. Something I had to pursue before I could do anything else.” She smiled at him. “You.” 

When they kissed, it felt like reassurance. And this sunless area of an already dark world had never seemed so bright to Luhan. 

“This is the girl, huh?” Kris asked. 

“Taken long enough for you to let us meet her.” Kyungsoo commented. 

“Well, it takes a while to get us all together,” Luhan said, “and that’s how I wanted all of you to meet.” He smiled at Guan; she returned it. 

“It’s nice to meet all of you,” Guan said. “I’ve heard a lot.” 

“ _ We’ve  _ heard a lot,” Sehun said. “It’s so nice to see our bambi in love.” He teased. 

Guan looked up at Luhan with a sparkle in her eyes. “ _ Bambi _ ?” 

Luhan just shook his head, and she laughed. 

“The place is a bit dirty,” Xiumin said, “but please, take a seat.” 

Guan did, the rest of them following suit. Conversation flowed freely after that, and soon enough they were in the stage where one person was in three different conversations at once. Luhan excused himself to get some water, but paused on his way to the fridge. On the kitchen counter, by the window, was a pot of beautiful roses. 

“Like them?” Lay asked, walking up to him. 

Luhan nodded. “From your shop?” 

“Yeah.” Lay said. 

Luhan stared at the roses. “Does your shop make you happy?” 

Lay smiled. “It does.” 

Luhan looked at Lay, and his eyes were reflecting the same emotion as Lay’s. “I’m happy, too.” 

 

“It’s shining,” Guan said. 

“What’s shining?” Luhan asked. 

“Liebeslied.” Guan answered, smiling at him. “It was so dull the first time I met you, but now it’s a diamond.” 

Luhan smiled back. “That’s thanks to you.” 

She shook her head lightly. “Maybe a little, but you’re the one who made this music.” Guan told him. “You’ve captured its essence.” 

“Because…” Luhan said, lowering his instrument to his side. “I’ve found something to truly love, and I never want to lose it.” 

Guan smiled at him, and then her eyes traveled down to the violin in his hands. “Look,” she said softly, brushing her fingers against Luhan’s violin. “Your instrument.” 

Luhan looked down at it with her, at its shiny brown surface and silver strings. 

“It’s loved now, isn’t it?”

**Author's Note:**

> tbh it was gonna be an angst where guan died  
> so youre welcome i guess


End file.
